Campaign of the Month: April 2011

Planejammer: The Spelljoined

The Cosmic Monkey Wrench
There's no place like home!

Dudes dressed in light gray jumpsuits with belts and gadgets and heavy boots. One is obviously human, one is half-orc. Entire group turns on the androids at once and the androids bolt.

Kenari lifts the gun and says “It’s mine, I found it, I’m keeping it. Do I need to test it?”

“That’s them,” dude says. “Where’s the lawyer?” Finn introduces himself and picks up another gun.

Vedis – Hello who are you looking for now?

Dude – Not who, what. We’ll be in trouble if we stick around. – He pulls out a rectangular thing with lights on it and waves it around at us (scanner).

Vedis waves around the compass in parody as they joke about antiques. We need to leave as a giant fireball is going to land here soon.

Finn searches bodies for ammo for guns. (2 batteries for Finn and Kenari) – Time Worn Plasma Guns, roll required for use. Kenari – 5 charges / Drew – 2 charges / Batteries – 6 charges

Malfunction roll – last charge used, attack rolls, natural ones, or if it’s in your hand when you take a critical hit

He checks our tatoos before we all gather in a circle and he twists a device that teleports us. Vedis and Finn get sick.
Kenari – You have to use machines to do this? No wonder it felt like shit. (squad lady gives us the side eye)

Kenari – We seem to have shifted to another alternate reality when they moved us.

Dude – Multiverse 16 notation. Mentions Mortinkiainan the Wizard. You’ve popped on our radar because if you’re fighting the Illithids, and because you’re basically invisible to our means of detection.
We can only track you based on the ripples in time after what you’ve done. We’re fighting the same sort of fight, but in a lot more places than you’ve realzied, and we’re losing.

He throws up a holo image of NeoTokyo kind of place (alt 119) with super heroes. Then shows it after the Illithids collapsed the quantum wave and it looks like it’s drawn by HR Geiger.

Maj. Ernest Thomas, Dept Seven, Project Javelin.

That sphere is a piece of Illithid equipment that they can use to “throw a wrench into the works.”

Vedis explains how we used it and it needs to be recharged. Apparently that won’t be an issue. If we give you this thing, can you take us back to our Prime 19 and our ships?

Dude – They caught our trace, we need to move again. Ef – How do I get one of those? Dude – Ah the D-Hopper, we can discuss that later.

We’re now in a jungle area. 40 ft tall red skinned humanoid with bat wings flying in the background.

Ef – Other than the rock, what do you want?

Major – We’re unstrung from Fate. Harder to track when not on our alternate.

Lenata – Are you guys casters? Not exactly. They warp more like Leodette (Spheres of Power character that burns spell abilities).

Major – Vast majority of chronomancers have been taken from Prime 19 into a battery pack/sledgehammer to mess with the time line.

Kenari – Ah yeah, that’s what I saw in the Barrier Peaks.

Major – There are 3 chronomancers left. Leodette would be one of them.

Ef – So we need to find the other two?

Major – Useful, but there’s other things to do. Looks like we need to get out of here.

Two extra tall Illithids show up and in front of them with metal collars are a phallanx of humans with auto rifles who start shooting as we phase out.

Vedis gets grazed for 12 and Etsuriko for 8 damage.

Lenata hands the Major the sphere. He draws a tuning fork with bluish chrome out and pings it and puts it against the sphere. It crackles with blue electricity and disintigrates and the sphere is charged.

This is what we need to reverse engineer some things. This is the core of a probability drive that they use when not using their inate abilities. This will be a game changer.

Kenari – So what do we need to do now? Just keep continuing to cause trouble and distractions?

Major – Yes and no…we can help though. I see you haven’t figured out the tattoos yet? We have some info that might prove useful. I see you still have the child from Oeddertchonk with you (he scratches
the Skittermander on the head). This one’s about two. They mature around six. About one of your months short but years basically equivilent.

I’ve spent some time on your side so…. Rule of Three, right? You all, the favored of the Jammer, you can call a Young One. Finn – You can interface with Illithid tech. Etsuriko – You’re one of few
who have heard the Lady of Pain speak. You all should be able to manifest transport. The Spelljammer has many children.

You all are getting “cock blocked” by people messing with the time stream. The people with the green cloaks are Prime 19’s Time Wardens.

I should be able to put some tools to use at your discretion and get you all back home. First we’re going to make our way back to My world (half-orc). We’ll get you some info and a Priming Ritual for your
tattoos. We port again.

We come out on the other side and the street is moderately populated with bldgs in the same places but different. More of a 1950s Brooklyn feel. As we appear the caster girl creates an illusion that changes
our clothes so we look like appropriate street clothes. Kenari is the only one who gets a slightly off look (dressed like a hippy).

We head to a storage building – whispered convo with a desk jocky – the windows dim and he points us through a doorway with lights. Lenata asks about it and he says that’s a Bioscanner. WE NEED ONE!
Let me report in and we’ll get you some gear and home. Them – Have much info will you share with us? Us – How much time you’ve got?

Thai food and cheeseburgers? How about some more ale in cans like we had back at the X-crawl?

We can’t afford to have an alternate as close as yours is to ours fall. The breakdown of the Divine Compact should worry you all then. It proceeds sentient races way back in the primordial era. It’s a pact
of various gods to not step-in to use avatars directly against other followers. It must always be through agents.

We are given a short ritual (3 rounds and high Spellcraft checks) to try and call a Smalljammer.

He hands Vedis a leather satches with 6 potion vials – 3 of one color and 3 of another as he whispers in her ear. “We heard about what happened with Finn.”

3 Blue – Potions of Vehicle Handling

3 Amber – Potions of Mechanical Aptitude. (+5 tech bonus)

He pulls out a RING. Give this to one of your point people. +5 to identify scrying tech. (Kenari)

STAMPS OF DELIVERY (6) – If you have an accurate address, package up to 5 lbs. lick the stamp and stick it to it. Step back and it will appear at the address.

Celestian – Legolas Sinerath – Desna (Blue Butterfly) – Rule of Three – Gods who are on our side.

Given a copy of a Detect Abboration spell – Cloakers, Beholders, Illithids, etc. WE NEED THESE ON GLASSES. Ef tries the spell and Vedis half glows as she’s the abberant subtype.

Ours is one of 5 key realities. We fall, and everything else falls. What are the other four?

Aerth – Earth 13
Earth – Earth Prime
Oerth – Earth 19 – Us
Uerth – Earth 7 – birth of Ravenloft, Finn stole a car
Yarth – Earth 23
X-Crawl – Earth 5

We’ve been able to identify a number of factions within the Illithids themselves:

Thoon – outcast cultists – bigger Illithids who went to the Far Realm and came back changed.
Tamers –
Nourishers –
Lore Takers -

Time Wardens – Green Cloaks that help us
Time Reavers – will fuck us over

They take us down to a lab full of equipment and use it to send us back….

We appear on the top of a cliff that drops off on our right to truly massive trees. Ahead of us rises a city built of stone and the branches extend over it.

Etsuriko and Finn realize where we are – The Hadogee Homeworld.

Welcome to Gamma World!
So much for the X-Crawl...

Finn finds a concealed drawer under the ticket counter as he searches through the tickets and chachkees. He finds 5 bright orange rectangular pieces of paper with text on them. Arcane writing in Helenic – “I Can’t Believe It’s Not Fireball!”

He replenishes our alchemist fire flasks and shows one of the scrolls to Etsuriko. 2nd lvl Fireball with 10ft radius 1d4 dmg per caster level up to 5d4. Order forms on the back to order more!
Finn gives one of them to Lenatta.

Kenari appears back in the break room with a pop as she sees Ef snoring and Finn rifling through the ticket booth. “WTF are you all doing sleeping?” (everyone shushes her as they power nap.) She then
shoves the sphere in Vedis face and asks “What does this thing do? I got it off an Illithid!” It’s got a fuck-ton of energy in it – Sub-Psionics – She touches it and has to make a Will Save.
She gets a vision of the Rock of Braal in the Astral because of the floating God corpse in the distance – and a headache. Her hand and arm is prickly with energy.

Kenari gives them the short version of what happened to her on the Barrier Peaks. Finn recognizes the name of Estitira and that she’s from Sigil and the Sensate Theater.

Kenari gives Vedis the sphere because that ball is killing her hand! Energy runs up Vedis’ arms – she feels like if she concentrates she can make something happen, but she has no idea what. She can’t
seem to let go of it. She sees the interior of a smooth excavated room out of rock with tunnels and a caltrop shape floating up in the air with smaller versions continuing to float out of each point.
She sees a young space worm facing off against a disiulte elf. Another elf with Celestian robes and lime skin, and a hadozee. The mind flayer on the other side of the room leaps out and grabs one of the smaller
caltrops and plane shifts out. She tries communicating asking it what it does. The sphere vibrates and the sleeping party members have to make Will saves. The break room gets soft around the edges and when
things come back into focus something has changed – The city outside is now a ruin and the sphere is no longer glowing. The room we are in has now changed.

Drew looks around and recognizes something – a square of cloth with a symbol for the Ranks of the Fit led by a bear named Napoleon the First. (Gamma World)

Kenari looks out the window and sees something weirdly familiar about things – a lot of this is the same skyline as the imperial New York City we left. There is the remnants of a large statue in the distance that has a torch instead of a sword.

There’s a weird screaming sound in the distance. A six winged parrot flies into the building to take shelter that reminds Lenata of Elven artwork. It hisses and they have to make Fort saves.

Lenata takes a look at it but is unable to discover anyting new about it. She and Ef study it while Finn, Kenari, Etsuriko and Vedis go exploring the building. We come to a larger center hall with 3 doors with buttons next to them.

Vedis/Melchior checks the magical compass to see if it’s pointing to any time rifts – He gets an odd reaction as it immediately swings around to point at something then points in a different direction and refuses
to settle down at any given point.

Kenari presses buttons and one of them opens up to an empty tube. She props the doors open with a crowbar from her pack.

Ef casts Diamond Spray at the 6-winged parrot but it fizzles as the rest attack. Lenata’s spell fizzles too. Etsuriko attacks it with her fans. It flaps and honks as it takes off for the window.
Ef tries to grab it as it flies by and pulls it down. Lenata casts Spiritual Weapon and thunks it with her spear killing it.

There’s that gurgling roar and a slight vibration in the floor this time. Lenata looks out the window. She sees a T-Rex black with tentacles coming out of its shoulders and a peaked tent on it’s back
with armored figures and what looks like a mind flayer. Ef throws the goose out the window as a hopeful distraction but it’s consumed by a flying lizard the size of a horse.

We make our way down the elevator shaft. Ef pries open the elevator doors at the bottom and we find a wide open space clear of rubble. Four figures turn around to look at us. Tall, humanoid with glowing
angular patterns on the skin with oversized guns and light blue jumpsuits. They turn around surprised. We push Finn to the front to talk to them.

“Non-Machine life, not worthy of survival.” They shoot at Finn.

Kenari flicker steps over to one of them and grabs the gun out of it’s hand. Lenata casts Fireball at the androids and Kenari dodges out of the way as well as 3 of the androids while she hits 1 in the face.

Vedis gives the Haste Wand to Finn and throws her Mind Blades at one of the androids.

Ef strikes an android with The Chopper. Finn casts Haste on us all for 7 rounds and pulls out his gun. Melchior takes 4 shots at one of the undamaged androids and blows the head off of it.
Etsuriko moves to one of the two remaining undamaged and strikes it.

A prismatic burst of energy shoots out and a group of 6 humanoid figures appear in the middle of it with weapons drawn. The one in the front speaks “Javelin to base – we’ve found it, and you’ll never
guess who’s been lugging it around.”

Shrimp and Brain Gumbo

Tavist the Dragon attacks a Brain Golem. Golem misses Taj and slips on tadpole water and falls prone. I try to transpose a golem into the pool but fail. Brain golem that falls pops like a zit and splashes
over Taj and Estiteria as Leodette ducks behind the machine tubes. I dimension door and then teleport Tavist beyond the Force Wall that the more powerful golem put up as we switch places.

Tavist the Dragon grapples with the Illithid and is attacked by the Illithids armor, but it doesn’t effect him since it’s electric. The Illithid then disappears in a purple puff.
Taj’s husband slashes the brain golem as Estiteria trips it with her scorpion whip. Leodette casts Warp Edge on Quatar’s weapons. Atheron casts Acid Splash on the Brain Golem attacking Torgyr. Marmut kills
off the Brain Golem with Magic Missiles.

A Large Brain Golem appears next to Tavist.

Torgyr flies over the pool and notices something moving and gathering together into the pool.

Taj uses True Strike and hits the brain golem with Disintegrate that causes it to poof into nonexistence.

An even larger Brain Golem made out of half-dead tadpoles arrises from the pool.

Tavist the Dragon throws the other Brain Golem into the pool. Kenari teleports back to cover of the tubes as Estiteria continues her Bard Song and shoots the golem with her blast pistol bracelet thingie. “Oooooo!” (Kenari)

Leodette casts Improved Haste on Quatar as she feels a strange temporal vibration all around her and announces it.

Tavist the Dragon is knocked unconscious by the large brain golem Mind Blast and transforms back. Torgyr is knocked unconscious and lands into the water of the pool.
Taj uses a Hero Point and casts Greater Dispel Magic on the Huge Brain Golem. Chunks of it start rotting and falling off of it in big chunks, effing it up pretty bad.

Dinya attempts to hook Torgyr with her Guisarme to pull him out of the pool and ends up spearing him in the leg as she used her Smite Chaos to make sure she latched on.

Kenari moves to observe the other Illithid. Taller and thinner with armor like Falak 13. It has a fancy pistol as a sidearm and is carrying a fist sized crystal in one hand.

Atheron casts Glitter Dust on the Giant Brain Golem and Marmut casts an Electricity Ray on it.

Estiteria shoots a golem with her blaster again.

Leodette feels the time vibration again and can tell that the brain golems take notice. She taps into the energy and can tell that time/space is being reshuffled. She gets a momentary vision
of being out in the flow and all of it is BURNING. It feels like big things are clicking into place and not good things. She tries to manipulate the energy but fails (1) as her eyes glow violet and
an arc of energy throws her back unconscious as she fades out of view and then fades back.

Atheron casts Web to try and entangle the two brain golems. Marmut casts Magic Missile on the golems.

We feel a physical vibration going through the decks as time static radiates out.

Torgyr casts Burst of Radiance on the remaining Illithid who is Dazzled for a round.

Taj thinks the tadpole pool is like an Illithid Helm and casts Disintegrate at the object sparking at the bottom. A booming sound as a large geyser explodes up from the bottom of the pool and knocks the Huge
Brain Golem over splashing everyone. There’s a moment of silence then the lights go down red and the pool begins to boil, filling the room with steam. All of the Psionics have to make Will Saves.
Taj babbles incoherently as Quatar freaks out and attacks Taj.

Atheron summons Air Elementals. Marmut gets out his Long Bow and attacks the Brain Golem before switching to his Crossbow.

The smaller Brain Golem attempts to attack Dinya with his fists but is webbed. Estiteria shoots the brain golem again as Torgyr flies down to the remaining Illithid.
Dinya attempts to attack the Brain Golems but loses her weapon in the webbing.
Tavist casts Invisibility and flies down toward the Illithid. Kenari flicker steps to the Illithid and steals the gem out of his hands while he’s Dazzled.

Tavist flies up at the Illithd and uses his Starwheel Pistol w/ True Strike.

WHY WON’T YOU JUST DIE!” Estiteria shoots the golem again as the webs catch fire.

The smaller golem collapses to its knees in the boiling pool. The large one is taking damage and begins to wobble and glow.
Marmut drags Itharion and Aphosso out the door as Leodetta warps Estiteria, Taj and Quatar over by the door.

Torgyr casts River of Wind against the illithid that knocks it prone. Taj casts Disintegrate on the prone Illithid taking out it’s right arm and leg.

Dinya attempts to get her weapon back out of the webbing.

Leodette feels a surge like time has jumped 20 minutes or so. She gets a weird sensation of something “arriving.”

Taj and Quatar are teleported by “Tanyet” as it says “You are needed NOW!”

Torgyr hears the sound of a pressurized pod opening as Falak 3 sounds like they’re done!

A figure appears in black hood and cloak by Estiteria and the rest. The figure seems to be flickering back and forth between human and Illithid.

A figure steps out of the steam and looks at Torgyr. It’s humanoid/female with circuit patterns glowing. “I’m glad you’ve survived this far.” – Falak IV

Kenari and Tavist fade out back to their time as she yells out to Estiteria “Write me!”

-14 HP / – 2 Travel Points / 4 Flicker Steps – KENARI


USED: 1 Holy Water, 1 Quick Freeze Oil, 2 Alchemist Fire, Wand Charges (2), Touchsight Tattoo
Scroll of Lesser Restoration

Mojo Points – 11

Lenata dimension doors over to Kenari and casts a healing spell for 27 points.
Vedis uses a maxed Wild Surged Energy Push = Cold for 63 damage and Leadership Surge.
Ef Utan flies at the giant with a Shocking Grasp spell. The giant drops to his knees and begs to yield as he drops his sword and Ef picks it up and carries it with him (+3 Giant Sized Great Sword).
Lenata casts Make Whole to fix Eturiko’s fan.

The flickering images on the wall slow down and stop as Finn and Kenari search the room for nothing. Down the hall there is a bright light ahead of us. No traps in the hallway. I take a sneaky peak around
the corner showing a spotlight shining down on a lucite platform with a stylized treasure chest with a complicated lock on it with a black velvet painting of the dungeon master behind it. I use my 5 Fingers Artifact
to pick the lock from a distance and hear the recording of an angelic chorus with streamers and confetti as the crowd chants “GO CAT GO!”


Imperial Banknote for 10,000 GP
Lightsaber handle / cheap hair brush thing
Wand of Cure Serious Wounds
2 Potions labeled “No Seeum” (Finn)
Certificate for a Year’s Supply for Empire’s Classic Car Wax
*Candy Apple Red Key*

Stream of Tickets: 350 Tickets (400 Total)

I messed with the lightsaber and it turns into different weapons based on what you’re thinking. Give to Ef or Etsuriko

We come to another Duck Ride and board it for another 75 ft and doors open to the beginning of the tunnel of love again. The room is the same but as we step out the room lights up and a huge amount
of confetti falls down from the ceiling. To our left opens a door to a corridor 30 ft before curving off to the side where there’s a big screen that lights up with DJ Faces holding a bat and a doll of Ef Utan before he smashes it like Punch and Judy.

Welcome to the Marrionette Show!

“Go CAT GO!” as I check the door for traps. I unlock the door and listen to hear squeaky pullies. Lenata casts Contagious Zeal on Ef Utan. Kenari opens the door for the others to go first.

80ft wide and 20ft deep room with curtains being retracted with a shimmer of force walls with bleacher seating of the audience. To the front is a semi-circular large stage.
Bright lights pop up on the stage with marionette harliquins and hands ending in blades. Behind them is a simple wooden chest.

Etsuriko puts away her fans and gets out her knunchucks. The marionettes dance around and then leap at us. “How about a little fire, scarecrow?” I throw Alchemist Fire for 6 on #4 and splash on the other.
Lenata casts Diamond Spray on #4. Etsuriko hits #4 with a crit knunchuck for an “Organ Scramble” and casts Confusion on it for 8 rounds and 5 points of CON damage.

Marionette #2 loses its belt and it’s pants fall down as it tries to attack Lenatta and goes prone. Ef cleaves the marionette #2 in twain with the “Huge Ass Sword.”

Ef takes 17 points of dmg from a marionette as he Bleeds 1 HP per round. The marionette then fumbles – and provokes attacks of opportunity from all threatening foes. Ef chops another one in half with the HAS and shouts “This is my new favorite toy!” as the crowd cheers and large
dwarf blows him a kiss and Ef returns it. The crowd goes wild! “GO BEAR GO!”

Finn shoots the one on fire #4 with the bow. It hits Finn for 20 pts and 2 Bleed.

Marionette #5 attacks me and just misses. Vedis crits #5 with her mind blades for 3x damage and ignore damage resistance.

Ef “Oh you got a name now, Chopper!” as he swings the HAS for 46 points and cleaves another marionette. “GO BEAR GO!” with a line of shirtless hairy men blowing kisses from the crowd.

  1. swings at Lenata as it burns and flails wildly and she gets hit.

I try to open the chest and a robotic hand swings out with a “Nah nah, not till your finished!” and a rasberry noise.

Finn hits the remaining #4 with more alchemist fire as it continues to burn. Ef jumps in front of Finn as a bodyguard and keeps Finn from being hit. Vedis casts Haste on Ef and Etsuriko.

Ef cleaves yet another marionette from bottom to top. “GASP!” from the crowd as Ef says “Be careful boys and remember, protected and consensual!” 3 15 ft tall women stand up and cheer.

  1. hobbles around on fire. Kenari pounces on it and cuts an arm off with her claws as she finished off #4. The crowd roars and a jingle as the chest says “OK now you can!”

The chest opens and the angelic chorus rings and light shines down into it to reveal in our names

1 year passes to the Imperial Opera of NY City.
2 potions of cure moderate
banknote for 5,000gp
mysterious ring
Cotton Candy Pink Key

A secret cellar door goes down to the area below the stage.

MEANWHILE – Melchior, Taj and Tavist are in the balcony with the crowd warming up to the group. Melchior has placed his bets, and is talking up the Spelljoinz and telling the epic tales of our adventures. Taj people watches and sees a segregation between the human and non-humans who are in the shittier seats. “Why are these people not in my collective? They are now mine, I called dibs! Why didn’t you bring them here before?”

Tavist = “The one with the big sword keeps saying I’m a dick!”
Taj= "But you are! Right? (nudges Melchior)
Melchior= “Um… yeah! Definitely!”
Tavist= “They’re your problem! Get a contract!”


Kenari examins the ring to see what it is. +3 Ring of Protection – give to Lenata.

I just manage to pick the lock of the cellar door and ready their weapons as I open the cellar door. “GO CAT GO!” There’s a splash of confetti with a dark narrow cute and a ladder that goes down 15 feet. with a closed door with light shining in a well lit hallway that ends in a door.
I listen at the door and hear accordian based circus music behind double doors.

Doors open to medium sized room with force walls and audience to left and right. Back wall i littered with stuffed animals and carnival prizes of various sizes. DJ faces has a comically huge mallet and whistles in time with the circus music. Behind him is a Carnival STR test.
He lets the mallet fall and bows. "Welcome to the first of my Bonus Rooms! Time to know who is the mightiest! But there are rules: THIS MALLET. 2 ATTEMPTS. ONLY 1 OF YOU.

Lenata casts Bull STR on Etsuriko and lets her use the mallet. She rings it on the 1st try – TITAN LEVEL. The center section of the back wall opens up with a chest in it. He congrats us and disappears.

Ef takes a Rainbow Bear from the stuffed animals and realizes it’s way heaver than it should be because it’s full of rocks. He fails his save and takes DEX damage as the walls close in on him.
I disable the wall trap and open the chest as they say "GO CAT – " before the chest is open. Lenata casts Lesser Restoration of Ef to take care of the DEX damage.

3 potions with labels that have Bulls on them. (Bull STR)
100 Tickets (500 total)

A door opens in the alcove with another hallway. We open the door to sad clown black velvet paintings and disco balls in another break room.

50 tickets – frosted comm. x-crawl mirror, stuffed animal, alchemist fire, holy water, 10 m arrows
100 – 10 +1 arrows
200 – m broadsword, cure lt wounds potion
400 – cure serious wounds potion

*Purchased 2 alchemist fire – for 100 tickets

The lights flicker oddly and we all have to make Will Saves. When they come back up, everyone around us is frozen, including Vedis. We look around to see if anyone is moving – Tavist sees movement in the shadows and a dude in a hooded cloak (not Illithid).
Taj teleports her, Tavist and Melchior next to the guy in the shadows. Dark green cloak/hood and neutral wardrobe, no visible weapons. Half elf.

Tavist = “This has got to stop… what do you want?”

“Excellent! The Traveller Kaolin has need of you!” He grabs them and disappears leaving Melchior.

Finn pilfers the ticket desk as he realizes the screens and people are all frozen.

Another man appears behind me and I try to flicker step behind him but he rides my ability. I drop to trip him but he steps over. He lowers his hand and says “You are needed!”

Non-descript clothes green cloak, looks like a normal Aasimar. I shake his hand with my Bracelet of Bargaining and can tell that he’s legit.

“What… me?” as he touches my shoulder and Kenari disappears.

Etsuriko Chia San Toraneko - Journal 28
IRL game dates: 2-25, 3-11, 3-25, 4-8, 4-22

Dear Anya,
It’s been a long while since I have had a moment to put pen to paper….so much has happened. But let me start with – your Uncle is fine. Between Kenari and I, he has been kept very safe and I promise to bring him back to you. Alive even.

After the vision at the temple and realizing we were in realm space, we got in contact with Taj Pach to explain that the sun was dimming there as a result of Illithid action – they were using the sun to power some kind of spell with the intent of killing a god – we weren’t sure – but Taj Pach sprung into command – summoning her fleet, getting the EIN and Githyanki involved and apparently just bossing the everyone in Tears into doing what she wanted. Fen convinces some priests of Ra to come along and we start making our way to the Tears along with our friends from beyond the Veil.

There is a lot – so I am going to sum it up a little. We get to the Tears – there is an Illithid dreadnought there sucking the sun’s power. It’s decided that Kattar will lead the fleet to attack causing a diversion. We – along with Tavist & Taj Pach are going straight to the dreadnought. Fen and Kenari are going to sneak around and plant bombs along the dreadnought’s tentacles to disable it, while the rest of us provide another distraction with a full assault.

It turns out when everyone puts their minds to it – we can get ridiculously buff. I appreciate having clerics and magic users to provide the extra oomph, I have to say. We all make our way over there and Fen & Kenari get to work planting bombs. An Illithid dreadnought is basically the horror-fest you’d expect. I’ll just say this – cranium rats. Millions of the damn things. It was a total nightmare. We lost sight of Tavist and Taj Pach for a bit – and sound too – but as usual – those two turned up carrying a random human and his gear. So we find ourselves eventually hanging on the outside of an Illithid dreadnought when a swarm of cranium rats come racing around the hull. I’m basically ready to leap into space when a ship swings over – it’s a green & yellow spelljammer and while we don’t recognize the pilot, we do recognize Klasath standing next to him. I jump over as fast as I can because I just cannot do rats. Tavist & Taj Pach cast fireballs in tandem and the smell of crispy rats fills the air. Two Illithid appear as we are trying to get away and Cosimir (our human pilot) decides to drive through on of the things as the tentacles on the dreadnought are erupting and everything is chaos. I get hit by the other Illithid and one of its tentacles latches on – but that’s a mixed blessing for it because now I am close enough to just beat on the damn thing. Total chaos at this point – Melchior is firing & hitting everything. Vedis is too. Kenari is zipping about attacking, moves Klasath and I into opposite positions – when all of us – at once are hit by a massive attack. Someone says there’s an elder brain on this dreadnought. Taj Pach is all for staying because she thinks she can kill it – but Klasath points out that there are likely to be 60 Illithid on this dreadnought so we agree to leave. How that bug hasn’t gotten everyone killed yet is beyond me.

The ship is listing – so Taj heads to the helm room to discover our human pilot had passed out and Kenari is on the helm. She is telling the ship to run away when something pulls it up short. Klasath yells that it is the elder brain again and Kenari asks the ship to plane shift away. The ship does so as the elder brain lashes out again. I am awake – along with Fen, Vedis, Taj Pach & Klasath. The ship has arrived near a small moon that orbits a planet about the size of Torrill. The planet is lit up – but there are no ships in the sky that we can see. Taj takes the helm from Kenari and Kenari checks her key. It says 4 now.

There’s no break though – Illithid ships appear in space – Taj heads down planet side to hide in the ocean since the ship has told her it can’t jump again for a whole day. We pass a ship on the ocean with smokestacks and a banner that reads “X Crawl Cruise – Final Destination Coney Island”. Whatever that means. We dive deep into the water and find – an Illithid city. Because of course we do. Taj turns off to the left and we are passed by a swarm of boarding ships – just when we think we are going to make it – 5 of them peel off to pursue. An Illithid appears in the helm room and fighting erupts as Taj is trying to outrun the Illithid boarding ships. The damn Illithid eventually explodes into nerve runners and Taj (who is trapped on the helm) screams at Tavist to cast a fireball. So he does. IN THE HELM ROOM. Kenari manages to jump out of the room with Fen. The spell doesn’t affect me – though poor Taj Pach has looked better. I leave the room cause tiny swarms are just really not my thing and I am not over the rats just yet. As everyone is trying to rid themselves of the slugs (thanks to Kenari for working out a way to do so) Taj is still trying to evade the boarding ships. Our ship is faster so she heads for the surface while charging the ship’s only weapon – as the ship breaches the water it discharges its electric tail weapon into the water behind and fries all of the Illithid vessels!

We land and start exploring. Every time the number on that key gets lower the place we are in is definitely stranger. There’s a giant statue of a human in a robe with a sword. As we are walking along – people ask us if we are an x-crawl team. Whatever that means. But this x-crawl thing is everywhere – giant signs on the walls that move. Pictures on the shirts people are wearing. Also, this place apparently loves its beer because there are lots of pictures of beer too. We could all definitely use a beer though. We do see a billboard of an Illithid in robes that says “have you been saved?” So that is ominous.

We are definitely lost and out of place here. We are getting lots of looks. I don’t think they have cat-folk here and Taj Pack seems pretty out of place too. Not any insects about that we’ve seen so far. We have a run in with some cops who are angry we have our weapons and then Klasath disappears with some guy in a green hood. Klasath comes and goes so that seems kind of normal. Then we approached by a colorfully dressed individual who is going on about a league and invites us to a bar. This guy is B-Ez. He is a native of this world and for some reason thinks we are all from Luxenborgh? I don’t even know what a Luxenborgh is Anya. He explains a lot of about this place and about the X-crawl pictures we’ve seen everywhere. And we are apparently interesting enough that he takes us under his wing (so to speak) and helps us. He doesn’t actually have wings. And while he’s speaking Common – I don’t think I get half of what he says. But he’s genuinely helpful and his hair is something else. He calls it “dreads”. He even gives us dinner – something called a “pizza roll” which almost kills poor Ef Utan (“Lava – you eat lava!”), but I think they are kind of tasty.

There’s some back & forth and something called an “audition” hosted by a ridiculous woman with a tiny dog thing that Taj Pach wants to eat, but eventually B-Ez gets us into this X-Crawl. We are going to go through a dungeon and the whole thing will be scryed around this planet on something called a TV where millions of people will be watching us. Oh and there will be people there watching live, too. B-Ez called us the SpellJoints and that is now our team name. And we have to be cool and have flair so the people scrying us will love us and we will get points or tickets or trophies? And Tavist is kind of upset because he can’t go. Neither can Taj Pach but she doesn’t seem to care.

I have to tell you Anya – I don’t know anymore why we do what we do. I don’t know how this gets us closer to destroying Illithid or saving the universe and there is a part of me that may not care anymore. Apparently we are going to be set loose in this dungeon and as much as I’ve refused over the years to participate in gladiatorial arenas – there is a part of me that is really ready to just let go and see how much carnage I can wreak.
Coney Island Crawl Part 2

Area I: II

20 Lenata
16 Vedis
13 Ef Utan
13 Etsuriko
11 Kenari
6 Fire Giant 85
5 Finn

Ef Utan – 5 min left of fly; frostband sundered and destroyed
Etsuriko – one fan destroyed, one -5 hp
Kenari – pirced through and thrown to the other side of the giant from the rest of the party.

We pick up next game at the top of round four of combat.

Let's Crawl!
Gnolls and Skeletons and Fire Giants, OH MY!

Squid Head is a Follower of Neptune – Mercury told Lenata that she has to be his follower here and she needs to cock block Squid Head.
Emporer George Augusts Civic Centerat 9am sharp – pick-up

DJ warns that Judge is volitle and tends to break the rules. He likes to be extra violent.

We hop aboard the bus with breakfast and coffee. Locks click on all the doors. Speakers along the roof blare the circus music. Lights go red and clowns converge on the bus around the block. We drive in the middle of a parade with inflatable monsters and ones in cages
on floats, sparklers, marching bands, etc until we get into a parking garage and see four other teams. Lady with board checks us in. She tosses 20 sided die to captains to roll to see who goes first. US

Security guy wands us all for illegal gear/buffs. Break Rooms for medics between rooms. Non-Com Badge = Non-Combatant – DON’T ATTACK. Awarded TICKETS at each room ending to spend in break rooms.


Green Room – chilly room with couches and security guards and a camera man and a chef – all a bit on the nervous side with a flustered producer and a huge Big Screen TV displaying cartoon logos.
Double Doors looking like a clown face’s teeth. A Commotion by the doors is noticed – the producer we auditioned for comes in and talks with the guy with the headset. He gets exasperated and summons the staff
as I can just pick up “Word came down from the face, he’s changed his mind and we’re starting with Door 2.”

The Circus Ringmaster introduces DJ Faces with fireworks and a clown tent with rising music. Dancers and acrobats come out behind him as he entertains the crowd.

Go through the door with the STAR after we get the keys.

We open the doors to an aluminum slide that decends and curves into darkness. I ever tell you how I invented Body Surfing?

We ride down the silde into a meadow with a red sign blinking Enter Here with a tent fluttering in the breeze. Flash of a small figure inside the tent.

We approach the tent and 20 feet away a human girl comes tearing out of the tent. HELP it’s going to kill everyone! as she bolts past us. She’s not wearing a non-com badge.

Fin fires his bow at her. – She loses her concentration as it expands and turns into a Annis Hag. I spring attack and strike. Vedis casts Haste. Ef throws a dagger at her. Etsuriko spring attacks and sickens the hag
for 4 rounds. Vedis gets hit and takes a 5ft step. Lenata casts Spiritual Weapon. NAT 20 -dbl dmg 2d6 cold (35dmg)
Kenari pounces on her back with her claws. Vedis does a hasted attack with mind blades and cuts arms and head off. Cheers from the crowd. Finn dedicates the first kill to the Lost Argonauts as Vedis falls on her ass trying to show off.

20 ft corridor that’s a dead end with a sign that says STAND HERE. The floor rises as a disc rises and blasting kaliope music and video screens showing us from different camera angles. Floor rings spin in different directions as Etsuriko jumps across to the Star Door with a lever.
Etsuriko pulls the lever down and a steel clamp pulls her arm into the wall – but she uses Freedom of Movement to slip out. Kenari flicker steps over and unlocks the door as Ef falls on the rings and waits for the door as he spins around.

Stirges burst out in a massive cloud from the doorway. I dodge most but get hit a few while Etsuriko smacks them away with her fan. Ef casts Diamond Spray at the swarm. Etsuriko waves at the crowd and closes the door to the stirges.

I hear a pair of voices like casual conversation. I open the door and stand back to see couches and clown portraits, etc. GREEN ROOM. Etsuriko sees scry cameras even in the green room.

Door opens and we’re blasted with cirus music and DJ Faces with a non-com badge. Two doors read Entrance and Exit. Challenge the Tunnel of Love, win glory and enter the actual dungeon! Swan Boat ala Tim Burton with 2 seats in 3 rows.

Kenari notices something moving in the water.
Len casts Mass Prot From Evil. On left is animatronic band of us singing a sad song called Love Hurts. DJ – What would a band be without groupies? Out charge a band of groupies in blonde wigs and dresses.
Band song changes into a battle dirge as they charge. We resist the baric fascinate as I throw Alchemist Fire (one on fire for 1 more d6 dmg) and Vedis throws her mind blades. Finn attempts to hide amonst the animatronics and look for the key.
Etsuriko engages gnolls with a Flurry of Blows with her Fans and disarms the gnoll from his baseball bat. Len casts Burst of Radiance and blinds the gnolls. Ef does a full attack with his longsword and cuts a gnoll in half.

Kenari full strikes the one she set on fire and hits it enough that it retreats towards the Safe Door and Vedis takes him out and the crowd boos at us. The gnolls attack Vedis and Kenari but miss wildly.
Etsuriko kills another Gnoll in monk fashion and gets applause. Lenata casts Web and gets 5 of the Gnolls for 10 minutes. Ef casts Spontaneous Immolation on the Gnoll in the middle of the Web. Flaming Web
causes 2d4 of Fire Damage. Gnoll swings around wildly as Kenari Cat Pounces onto his back and drives her claws into his back. Vedis changes her psionic focus to cold.

A gnoll runs away only to be swallowed up by an alligator. One searches in panic for his sword. Another is partially submerged as Kenari rips down his back. The last one panics and surrenders but as he runs
away he too gets eaten by an alligator. Etsuriko has had enough and since they don’t look like they want to fight anymore she waves and tells them all to “Git!”

Etsuriko gets attacked by an alligator that leaps out of the water at her but fumbles as we all get attacks of opportunity at it. Vedis pieces its kidneys with her mind blades, Kenari swipes it, Etsuriko punches it, and Ef crits it to finish it off, slicing it in half and cauterizing it.

A bell rings and we all have to get back on the duck. We all each grab an aluminum baseball bat as a souvenier as Finn gets back in.

The music changes to romantic violin music as we move through the tunnel. A large flatscreen mounted on the screen shows DJ Faces playing the violin. The decor changes to Walking Dead meets Disney.

We come into a large square room dimly lit with a cartoonish bajou. spooky animatronics of swamp folk with glowing eyes. The boat turns up towards the exit when to our immediate left a whirlpool begins to form in the water.
Vedis does a pre-emptive strike with a cold push. A Large Chuul (mutant crawfish) pops out of the whirlpool and hits Ef in the chest for 50 points of damage. Finn cowers and pulls his sword at the back of the boat.
Lenata casts Divine Intervention and causes one of the strikes against Ef to miss. Vedis casts Inflict Pain and gets her Surging Aura for 3 rounds (+1 attack/skills/etc)

Ef casts Lightning Bolt at it. I burn a Hero Point and am given a Mojo Point to acrobatically flip onto the back of the creature as I throw Quick Freeze Oil down it’s throat. After a moment it rumbles and the beast bloats and bursts. I leap off as
the layers of flesh pop off and the beast expands as the ice grows within it. Ef props it off of him with the bat and scoots his way out.

We get 50 TICKETS for defeating the beast in such a fashion as the crowd goes wild. The boat goes on again till we have another side area in the tunnel with a ledge. Three figures look like skeletons with
their internal organs intact sitting on pillars. Ef casts Blade Tutor Spirit on himself. I hit Ef with the Cure Serious Wand. One of the pillars launches the skeleton at our boat and attacks Vedis. a 5 ft long barbed tongue lashes out of it’s mouth at her and just misses
as it lands on the boat. Ef attempts to leap onto the ledge but crit fails and lands in the water. I throw Holy Water on one on the pillar and it splashes on the other. Lenata channels Positive Energy.
Etsuriko does a Flurry of Blows on the skeleton on the duck with her fans as the crowd cheers and chants “Blood Fist” as she yells out “I can do this all day!”

Finn cowers and holds up a handful of holy symbols trying to ward them off.

Another pillar launches and lands on the duck and makes a tongue attack at Lenata that hits her for a Fort Save. Another hits me with its tongue but I make my Fort save and take 6 POINTS.

USED: 1 Holy Water, 1 Quick Freeze Oil, 1 Alchemist Fire, Wand Charges (2), Touchsight Tattoo
Scroll of Lesser Restoration

Mojo Points – 12

Vedis hits one of the ones on the boat for a hit and a crit knocking it prone. Ef just barely gets missed by an aligator. He stands up in the water and takes a swipe at the prone skeleton. I stab at the prone one.

Lenata casts Burst of Radiance. The 3rd one leaps towards the boat but explodes in pieces and covers us on the boat as the crowd roars. Etsuriko attacks with her glowing fans and cuts the 2nd skeleton into three pieces as the crowd roars. Vedis bisects the last one as it tries to get up and Ef cuts the pieces into other pieces.

Kenari flicker steps over to the ledge to search the pillars. No keys, traps or whatnot. Vedis sees a smiling goldfish trailing our boat. She doesn’t trust it and throws a dagger at it and misses as it blows her a kiss.

The boat curves around the bend as the tracks in the water stop. Stairs rise out of the water to a passage and a flashing red light in the distance. I try to check the stairs for traps as I move up but miss the switch as an iron spiked ball swings down and nails me for
18 points of damage and 4 points of DEX damage.

Ef casts fly, picks me up and moves me to Lenata, and picks up Finn to check the traps in the air. He doesn’t find any, so Ef flies everyone up to the top of the stairs. Vedis gives me a potion of Lesser Resto to heal the DEX damage.

Flashing red light room with smoke as Etsuriko cautiously moves into the room with her fans. A large screen of natural disasters, volanoes, executions, etc plays. A ceiling mounted rack of speakers and fog machines spew smoke.

Lenata casts Aura Sight and detects a pair of sizable auras in the room with us. 18-20 foot tall CE humanoids around the 10-12 HD each.

Lenata casts spiritual weapon. Vedis uses Inertial Armor. Leadership Surge +1
Ef Utan uses a potion of Bull Strength. Etsuriko attacks but misses. I activate my tattoo and see that they are Fire Giants as I activate my tattoo and flcker step across the room.

The Fire Giant attacks Ef Utan 3 times and his Frost Brand flickers and sputters as it is chopped in half! The other one hits Etsuriko and hacks one of her fans into pieces as she curses in Shou.

Lenata casts Shield of Faith. Vedis uses a Surge Blast. Ef attacks and stuns/off balances one.

Kenari leaps on the other one and Plane Shifts it into the Plane of Water and shifts back soaking wet sans giant. There’s silence as the crowd stares and then slow claps that rise in applause as the other Fire Giant
smacks me with a crit as it impales me and throws me against the wall bleeding.

Coney Island Crawl - Part 1

Finished in Area I-6
Mid combat with a pack of gnolls, who, along with their armor and aluminum baseball bats, wear oversized dresses and blonde wigs.

On a platform just outside the force wall, veteran Xcrawl bard / singer Violet “Tiger Beat” Minnelli continues to rock out, even though the Spelljointz have all saved against her bardic music.

Start fresh at the top of the round
4 minutes remaining of protection from evil

22 Kenari
20 Vedis
18 Fin
17 Gnoll x 6 (28, 22 disarmed, 42, 42, 42, 42) blinded 1 more round
12 Etsuriko
12 Lenata
6 Ef Utan
2 Gnoll x 6 (43,43,43,43,43) blinded 1 more round

X-Crawl Tryouts
The Spelljoints

We’re standing by the Illithid billboard when a tiny child runs up and tugs the sleeve of Melchior. “Look away child” he says as he covers the child’s eyes from the billboard. The child immeditately fanboys over us being an X-Crawl team as Kenari checks
her wallet reflexively.

“Where are your parents little one?” Vedis asks as she bends down to her. The child points out her parents as Vedis tries to get their attention to come get their kid. She sees a short skinny hawkfaced
sour looknig woman looking around through the crowd. A pair of cops catty-corner to us are eyeballing us. Half a block a way at the street corner she sees Brendan’s character, a tall dusky and fashionably
dressed guy with fancy shoes – a Jammer (rockerboy). Vedis lifts up the child and walks her over to the sour looking woman. The mom shrieks and takes the child in thanks.

The Jammer walks up and introduces himself and asks us to bring him along with whatever illegal plans we’ve got as a fan comes up to him and he signs autographs. We look at him quizzically and ask him if
he knows anything about the Illithid Preacher. He mentions that he doesn’t know much but they are known to be rigging X-Crawl matches. He mentions that Lenatta shouldn’t wear relgious trappings or else get in trouble.
He tells us about X-Crawl and immigration and the American Emporer and we get the impression that we should definitely be an X-Crawl team. Tavist casts Silent Table. He orders drinks and Ef pours him a drink of his own.

“Nah Marshall, you’re good.”
“Not Marshall, Melchior.”

Not religion illegal per se… it’s other people’s religions that are the problem. Lenata should call Celestian Mercury instead while we’re here.

He explains X-Crawl to us as Kenari thinks it would be a win-win if we made money and defeat the Illithids at the same time. Think of the money we could make if we made the right kind of bet!

Finn recognizes the sponsor patches on the Jammer’s coat and asks about them. He sets us up with an assistant to help with drinks, measurements, etc. Finn discusses contracts with Jammer.

Etsuriko notices a commotion up by the bar where the TV is and bumps Ef Utan to take a look at it. “Why are they so upset over there?”

Breaking News! – With the crawl 3 days away on the weekend, there was a subway accident that took out the “Lost Argonauts” team.

K – So what are the rules so we know if we’re breaking them or not?

EZ offers to take us back to his place for practice sessions and video tapes. Psionics are a no-go as you can cheat and influence refs with that shit. Just say it’s magic, yo.

Finn discovers a Polaroid camera and spends night taking selfies and dick picks.

EZ’s manager will arrange a meeting with the Adventurer’s Guild so we can try out for the X-Crawl.

We discuss money exchange. Ef offers one Trade Bar in exchange.

We camp out in the basement and Lenata has a weird night sleep dreaming and pleading for spells from the god Mercury instead of Celestian.

Morning – EZ plans on taking us on a meeting to Jennifer the Producer on trying to get us in as a replacement team for the Lost Argonauts. “Wow me”

Taj disintegrates the desk. “IS THAT THE ONLY SPELL YOU KNOW?!?”

Finn as she asks “What’s the issues?” We’ll see you later as I think about the possibilities of money in this situation.

DUNGEON BOOTS – mildly enchanted.

A courier arrives with a “Be here in 2 hours” note to head out to the Dragonlands in an RV.

The producer arrives with some flunkies outside the wall with rolling hills and a treeline. We’re away from buildings and capital damage. Show me what you’ve got. We show off and she takes notes.
“We’ll get back to you.”

EZ- that’s well and good, but we need some team building exercises!

A courier arrives that night and says we’ll solve a couple of problems and spin some PR. Make money and problems can be overlooked for a time. We’ll give you a shot at Division I. You owe me, EZ!

K – Who do we need to talk to to lay bets down on us? Tavist and Finn lay down trade bars. Kenari lays down 1.000 gp. Taj offers to bankroll the cat as she likes her pluck.

Best can be done is a standard sized team: Taj and Tavist will be in the stands watching, everyone else in the team.

The Spelljoints Team!